Surprise: Things I Know About Me

I have an overactive imagination. I think that’s the ultimate reason I stay up late after work instead of going to bed immediately like I should. And when I have hours to do nothing but mindless menial labor, it’s inevitable that my brain goes haywire. And because part of my self-identity tells me I’m a writer, it’s likewise inevitable that I write some of it up. And, believe it or not I don’t actually post it all here. Take last month for example. I only published 2 posts. I know I wrote more than that in these early morning writing sessions. Some of it was never intended for here, but some of it was, some of it was real good, but I still decided against it. Why? I decided it was too personal. I need to keep myself “mysterious.”

That’s a laugher really, because that’s all I really do, is write about myself, just under the pretext of writing about something else. So here’s me doing it straightforward style. For whatever reason, my mind keeps going back to a conversation I had the other day with a friend. Now, in the context of this conversation I brought up moratorium. Moratorium is a concept from human development that refers to the process of self-discovery young adults go through while they’re deciding what to do with their lives. Like adolescence, moratorium is a modern phenomenon. Due to increased lifespans gained through breakthroughs in medical technology, people today can effectively just mess around until their brains fully develop at about 25. Young adults in moratorium do things like attend college or university, join the Peace Corps or the military. I’m full swing into this whole moratorium thing. I’m diggin’ it.

But I don’t really need to be. To a surprising degree I already know who I am. I’m a child of God. I surprised myself a while ago to learn that contrary to what I’ve thought my whole life, I’m an optimist, not a pessimist. I have this belief that ultimately everything will be okay, everything will be to the good, that God has a plan. I believe that, I really do. I surprise myself every time I realize how much I like people, and how much I need them. I astonish myself with my capacity to love others, without really knowing them that well. When I learned a few weeks ago that summer Institute would be ending in mid-July, I was surprised how disappointed I was, by how much I rely on Institute. I surprised myself when after finally having my records returned to Logan, I quickly texted the Elder’s Quorum President and asked for a Home Teaching assignment. I’m really surprised by how much I love Home Teaching; how I’ve loved those I taught and taught with. And while I’ve known these things before, I’m continually surprised again as I rediscover them and in doing so rediscover myself.

(Note: I'm very close to not publishing this)